Our Loss

I debated writing about this, but realized it was theraputic and I wanted my family and friends who visit my blog to know what has been going on this past month. It is easy to write about the good, but I want my blog to reflect the true reality of our life. I also hope to be a support to anyone who may go through something like this in the future. I have a dear friend who was such a help to me when I struggled with multiple miscarriages and gave me so much information. Without this friend and her advice, I don't know if Roman or Paisley would be here right now. So my hope is that I can be that friend or inspiration for someone else. Maybe now or maybe in 20 years. I have realized that this is a big part of me and this blog is really about our life as the Maddox Family. The good, the bad and sometimes the sad.

Jason and I found out the week of Paisley's 1st birthday that we were pregnant again. To say we were surprised would be an understatement, more like shocked since we were not planning on having another baby quite yet. After the news sunk in and truthfully my anxiety began to wear off (a little), we became excited and told our parents and a few friends. I had my pregnancy hormones tested and everything looked great. My numbers were doubling and I started taking progesterone supplements and baby aspirin (as I did with both Roman and Paisley). We had a busy month that included Paisley's 1st Birthday, a trip to Cleveland, working and some Halloween parties. All the activities helped to keep my mind off worrying and keeping positive. When you suffer multiple miscarriages, you really don't celebrate a pregnancy until you hit the 12 week milestone so I am always very cautiously optimistic.

A few days ago I started feeling like my symptoms were not as strong. I wasn't really that tired anymore and just didn't feel very pregnant. This is what had happened with my previous miscarriages. I went to my doctor on Monday morning and he did an ultrasound. Sadly there were no heartbeats and with the calculations the babies should have been almost 8 weeks.

The reason I say babies was because it was TWINS! AND here is the big shocker...there was actually a 3rd sac, but no 3rd baby was ever formed (you can see 3 sacs in the picture). So my doctor told me it may have originally been triplets. I laughed (at the thought of having 5 children that would have been 3 and under), I cried and I felt a sense of relief that my worrying could be lifted.

This was my 6th pregnancy and 4th miscarriage. I am definitely an emotional rollercoaster (probably due to the hormones), but feeling very at peace with everything today. I prayed throughout this pregnancy for comfort from my worrying and that God would have a plan. I am such a true believer in God's plan and I knew that worrying wasn't going to help change anything.

On the positive note, we are reminded of how grateful we are for Roman and Paisley. My 3 other miscarriages were before Roman and I had such a fear and sadness that it would never work out. Part of the reason I wanted to write this was because I wanted to remind everyone that there is hope, even with multiple miscarriages. I have 2 healthy, amazing and wonderful children. They have brought such joy into my life and truly were miracles (as each baby really is). Roman came into my life when I so desperately wanted a baby. When I look at him, I always remind myself that I would do it all again just to have him. He was the baby that I was meant to have and there was a reason why we went through the journey to have him. And then came Paisley so quickly after. She was such an easy pregnancy and I realize how lucky we are to have her.

Miscarriages are very sad. They are actually quite common and can be very heartbreaking no matter when they occur. Multiple miscarriages (considered 3 or more) are not as common. There really isn't a lot known as to why certain woman have tougher times carrying babies. I went thru testing years ago and never found out the actual problem, but the doctor prescribed me extra hormones and aspirin as a precaution to help.

We feel comforted and know that our 3rd baby will come someday. We are not even going to think about it again until next summer. Some of our closest friends are getting married in June 2012 and I am excited that I will now be able to travel to their wedding. We feel so blessed with such wonderful friends, family and children and are reminded that even during the hard times, it is most important to count our blessings. Life is such a journey, but I couldn't be luckier than to have Jason go through it with me. When you marry someone you never imagine what the future holds. We have had our share of tough times together while dealing with health issues, family illness and our pregnancy losses. I can honestly say that all of these trials have brought us closer and fallen deeper in love. I would never be able to get through all of this without the love and support from Jason. I am so lucky.

Happy Halloween!

I know I have mentioned this before, but I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Halloween. The costumes, the candy, the decor and the festivities. So much fun! This was the 1st year that Roman picked out his own costume. He chose Woody from Toy Story. And I fell in love with this piggy costume for Paisley. Here are some pics from our night out for Halloween. Roman loved trick or treating and by the end of the night, him and Ellie were running to each house. I think we made it to about 20 houses and then decided to call it a night.

Woody and Hamm

Paisley "Piggy" Maddox

Piggy Love

Elephant and Piggy

Roman loved getting candy and sometimes would just keep standing at the door after he got candy. (I think he wanted more)

Piggy Love

Our favorite pitstop, The Honeys.

Roman and Ellie. She is the sweetest girl to my boy. I just love her.

These 2 make my heart melt

Daddy and Roman

Mommy and Paisley

Nana and her loves

We made it back home. Roman said, "This is Roman's House." He was excited to see Pop answering the door with candy.

Hope everyone had a Happy Halloween!

Jennifer & Chip's Wedding

Jason and I just got back from Cleveland for one of my best friends weddings. We had such a fun weekend getaway and were so happy to celebrate Jennifer and Chip getting married. Here are some pics.

We took the red eye and I think I slept a total of 1 hour on the plane. Luckily our hotel let us checkin at 6am and we slept for a few hours. Then we headed out on the town. Jason loves to research new cities and sightsee. We headed to Lola for lunch, which was some chef's restaurant from Iron Chef.

Afterwards, we headed over to see Jennifer's new house in Cleveland Heights. It was a gorgeous brick house from the 1920's. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that our entire house (backyard included) might fit in her basement. She had 3 other stories. It was gorgeous. I loved all the woodwork and beautiful architecture. Her closets definitely made me jealous.

We then headed to the Rehearsal. I was so honored to be a part of Jennifer's ceremony.

Her rehearsal dinner was at a beautiful and delicious restaurant in downtown Cleveland.

Jamie, Jennifer and I all swam together as kids. These girls were part of my childhood and some of the best friends anyone could have ever asked for. It was so fun to be back together again. We ended the night around midnight at an Irish pub.

The next morning we were up bright and early to start getting ready. Jennifer, Julie and I spent the day at the Club that they were getting married. Here is a start to our hair. Thankfully it looked a little different when they were finished.

The beautiful bride and groom. They decided to see each other before their ceremony to be able to take some beautiful photos together.

Ready to go.

Live music and good wine. Jason couldn't have been happier!

Cheers Jennifer and Chip! We are so happy for the both of you. Wishing you a lifetime of happiness, friendship and love.

THANK YOU Grammy and Papa for taking care of our little ones. We are so appreciative.

Pumpkin Patch

Took our annual trip to the Clayton Pumpkin Patch this past weekend. We had so much fun and Roman loved the tunnels and the train. I absolutely LOVE HALLOWEEN and the Fall.

This boy couldn't be happier: in a tunnel with a snack. Two of his favorites.

CHOO CHOO!

Roman and Paisley's Halloween costumes should be arriving this week. I asked Roman what he wanted to be this year and he said, "WOODY." I asked him about a dozen times throughout the month and it never changed, so he will be our little sheriff. Paisley is going to be a sweet, cute, cuddly Piggie (we are telling Roman she is HAMM from Toy Story).

ONE

Paisley,

This past week you turned ONE. We can't believe how fast this past year has flown by and can honestly say it has been the very best. You have brought so much love to our lives. Your sweet personality shines and you are always smiling. You have a twinkle in your eyes that just fills up our hearts. Your tongue is always out when you smile. Truly your signature look.

You always hear from parents about life being so much harder once a 2nd child arrives, but you proved them wrong. There is definitely much more work, twice the diapers and some days that are hard, but you truly make our lives easier and brighter. Other than your spit-up, you were an absolute angel baby. You are a great sleeper at night, love your naps, are happy almost all the time and so cheerful. Your chuckle is contagious and comes straight from the belly.

You are very active and get into everything. Your favorite thing is to climb onto anything and everything. Today I found you on top of our media cabinet. You must have scaled the speakers to get up there. You have very little fear and lots of energy, which has recently equaled a few falls and tumbles. You crawl at a very fast speed and rarely slow down to cuddle. At night it is a challenge to get you to take your bottle since all you want to do is keep moving. I can't wait to see what life is going to be like when you start walking. I may be in for a real challenge with both you and your brother.

You love food and will eat almost everything we give you. Really the only time you get upset is when you see food that you want. You may be a little tomboy (or it may just be because you have an older brother) but you love playing with cars, blocks and trains. You also like playing with your kitchen. You love being outdoors and at the park.

Roman absolutely adores you and I love seeing the 2 of you interact. Some of my favorite moments are catching the 2 of you playing when you don't think that I am watching. You try and keep up with him and are always wanting to do what he does. I am excited to see your friendship and relationship grow thru the years.

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl! You are our Sunshine!

The Birthday Girl

Last weekend we got to celebrate our Sweet Birthday Girl. We got the most amazing weather for a beautiful party in my parents backyard. We decorated in pink and the best part of all were the Skippypets. We got 6 motorized animal vehicles "Skippypets" that were so FUN! They truly made the party. We had about 70 family and friends to honor Paisley turning ONE. I always feel like 1st Birthdays are a reason to really celebrate: both Paisley and everyone that has helped us survive and enjoy our 1st year.

I had a lot of fun decorating with the pink, Shabby chic style.

My Dad did an adorable little cake for Paisley. She loved it so much. I actually had to take it away from her since I thought she may eat the entire thing.

YUMMMMM! This girl loves chocolate. Paisley had such a fun day. However right before her party, I got some sunscreen in her eyes and she had an allergic reaction. Her eyes looked so teary all day, but she was actually really happy.

I found these Skippypets at the Walnut Creek Family Festival a few weeks ago. They were so much fun and Paisley loved riding on them. I encouraged each guest to take a ride and most people did. Everyone loved it.

Jason and Roman riding along.

Pop, Scott and Tyler

The next day we celebrated with our parents and opened up all of Paisley's gifts. It was nice and relaxing and a perfect way to end our celebration.

This lucky girl got some adorable clothes and fun toys.

One of her favorite toys (and Roman's too)

Paisley and Roman opening gifts. Paisley loved holding all the cards.

THANK YOU To everyone who helped us celebrate Paisley's 1st Birthday. We are so blessed with this sweet little love in our lives.

Prayers and Comfort for my Mom

This week was a bit unexpected, as my Mom had a procedure done to put a port into her brain that will administer chemo to treat leukemia cells found in her spinal fluid. 4 years ago my Mom was diagnosed with CLL (a cancer of the white blood cells). My sister explains everything very clearly on her blog:
Prayers for Grandma

We ask for your prayers for comfort, peace and healing. My Mom is definitely one tough woman and even through all of this continues to push herself to keep busy. I think our main challenge will be finding a way to have her rest a little.

We are all hopeful that all of this will lead to a much better quality of life and to relieve some of her recent symptoms that have included blurry vision, severe back pain and nerve pain. Thank you for all your support, love and encouragement. We know that each and every prayer is so important and I thank God for the amazing medical technology that is available. Times like this make me so thankful for my amazing family and friends.

On another note...I wanted to mention that Bob (Jason's Dad) finished his chemo about a month ago and is doing great! We were all shocked when he was diagnosed with a very rare Stage 3 cancer, but after 4 months of tough treatment and isolation he is doing so great and focusing on getting back to his normal life. What a blessing and answered prayer. As I have mentioned, he went thru quite a tough treatment on his body, but always had hope and remained positive. Such a wonderful example of courage and grace. Thank you for all your prayers for him.

A Princess

Today is Paisley's birthday, so I dressed her up in her pretty pink party dress. It was a rainy afternoon, so we did a little photoshoot. Roman kept repeating something about Paisley that I couldn't quite figure out. I finally realized he was saying, "Paisley is a princess." It was so sweet that I wanted to cry. I didn't even know that he knew what a princess was. I recently bought Paisley a book that includes Disney princesses about Fall. It has become one of Roman's favorite books, so I am guessing he thought her dress looked like the princess dresses from the book.

While I was pregnant with Paisley, I constantly worried how it would affect Roman. Now a year later, I can admit that it was the best gift we could have ever given him. He is in love with Paisley and they make quite a team. Here is a pic when I said, "Give each other a kiss". Paisley actually leaned in and went to give him a kiss. These are the moments that I cherish more than anything.